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I searched for benign explanations. Could it be that milk is simply too heavy, and that by including the weight of the water content that boils off I am tilting the simplex too far in its direction? Could it be that by excluding slices of bread as ingredients since they aren’t raw flour and do not go in a mixing bowl, I have excluded breakfasts like french toast, eggs in a basket, breakfast burritos, and breakfast sandwiches that might yet have saved us? Could I have overlooked some arcane culture that breaks their fast with dumplings or egg noodles? None of these satisfied me. The Abyss stared back.

curl -I http://localhost:8001

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We do not know why the Dark Breakfast Abyss is empty. But by anthropic reasoning, we should conclude that it is empty for good reason. The International House of Pancakes is playing a dangerous game. If someday a remote IHOP splashes a little too much batter in their omelette, cooks the Forbidden Breakfast, and thereby brings about the end of the world, well, at least we know the Waffle House will be open.

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